Journey to healing. Part 1

Arise from the ashes. I can feel my chest rise and fall.
 Sunlight blinds me, burning my eyes.
Raw throat. Broken body.Bruised. Shatttered heart.
Empty soul. Dread in the pit of my stomach.
Bile fills my mouth.
These are good things I realize, good because it is a sign of life. I am still alive.
This is where the healing has to begins, the wounds have to be healed. But before the healing, the cleansing. Dread because of healing? Fear.
Chaos inside me oddly brings a sense of calm. Famailiarity I suppose.
Healing, is it worth it? Worth the cost?
Am I worth the cost? Or the time?
Change. Who will I become? Who will I be? What will I become? Will I endure it?
Survive. I survived the tragedy. I survived the abuse. Barely. But I did.
Survive. Survive the healing? Will I?Should I?Survive.
Ridicule.Slander.Mockery. My enemies, over time became my friends.
Shame.Fear.Sleeplessness.Isolation. Enemies you keep closer than friends.
They must leave.They bring nothing of worth.Shame reminds me of that,so we stay friends.
Sleeplessness brings his best friend,Fear.
They come together to visit at night,invading my dreams,sitting on my bed.
Mockery is never left out,usually I here him in the distance.
I don't want these friends anymore. Part of me is afraid for them to leave though.
I don't want to be alone.Who will come?
Lonliness is a friend but always brings Sadness.
Healing feels like an infection. A blistering puss filled sore. It has to be drained and cleaned. Having it touch anything sends pain throughout my entire body, every nerve ending goes from numb to fully alive within moments.
Oozing.Putrid.Infectious tissue.
Senses come alive.Nostrils flair in convulsions.Eyes water.Ears are pounding from the sound of my heart.
Yes this is life.My life right now.
Just breathe the cleansing air.
Survive.