agony of defeat

Clouds roll in overhead, swilerring faster and faster, the fog is thick, i try to breathe but its choking me. GUILT. it consumes me to my very core. it dances around me like a rope ready to tie a noose. my ankels are shackeled, heavy chains tear through my skin. SHAME.  eachone pulling, each one harder, then the low growling voice "come with me". where?  i want to be free. please dont take me! sinking my fingers into the mountain side, clawing to safety, the noose is tighter, the chains pull harder, NO!!! i dont want to leave the mountain top! FASTER and FASTER im being drug down, violently down the mountain, smashing into boulders. leaving behind peices of me, twisted and shattered there is my soul bleeding whats left. seeing smiling faces as i go past, cant you see me? cant you hear my silent screams? no one can save me but me. shame and guilt. they are not my friends, they visit often but are never welcomed, they show up when least expected and stay to long. when their time has passed and ive unpacked the last bag they are back almost before its on the shelf. why cant they just leave never to return, I hear a still small voice "the truth shall set you free" the truth of who i am, what ive done can never set me free.
i look around and make out the faint images around me. im deep in the mountain. ina cave. damp, musty,air is thick but without oxygen. weary. tired. oh so tired. i want to sleep but there is no rest here,guilt keeps eating away,one peice of me at a time,leaving my heart exposed raw and bloody, its eating me alive! shame becomes heavier, the chains are weighted on my ankles with more weight, i cant even stand, i lift my hand to brush away the tears that are slowly sliding down my face and cant. heavy chains have shackled my arms, the weight is so heavy i can not barely move. im kicked to the ground with burdeons on my back so heavy i collapse, face to the ground all i can taste is dirt , bitterness as i swallow the agony of defeat.
how long have i been here? how much longer will i stay?