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Sunday, August 14, 2011

journeywithdestiny: journeywithdestiny: bitter taste of agony 3

journeywithdestiny: journeywithdestiny: bitter taste of agony 3: "journeywithdestiny: bitter taste of agony 3 : 'Im here. BARELY. but im here. the BITTER taste of AGONY drips from my tongue. i close my eyes..."

Friday, August 12, 2011

journeywithdestiny: bitter taste of agony 3

journeywithdestiny: bitter taste of agony 3: "Im here. BARELY. but im here. the BITTER taste of AGONY drips from my tongue. i close my eyes to see everything dissapear fading into dark..."

bitter taste of agony 3

Im here. BARELY. but im here. the BITTER taste of AGONY drips from my tongue.
i close my eyes to see everything dissapear
fading into darkness
just like me
falling faster and faster
oddly its in slow motion
everything is just beyond my reach
alone, imprisoned by my own life
shackeled by my own fear
suffocating with shame
vomitting with scorn
maddened by the silence
completely raw
numb to this life.

These last 3 post seem to be so dark so depressing, please dont worry i am happy and  well!! this is a littel preview to the book    i wrote that is in the process of being in your hands sometime soon.
My book is raw and gritty, painful. But that is what makes the 2nd half so amazing and worth the risk of bareing my heart, my soul my pain, my life ,worth the risk of being 'exposed'. i love a joyful triumphant ending! But if i can bring hope to the hurting, a little light in this dark world, and just a little comfort to someone who thinks they are alone to assure them they are not , even if it's just one person, that is enough for me, that and knowing that i have said yes to God and letting him in to heal and knit together a heartfelt true story of hurt, abuse, shame, etc. into overcoming, courage, strength but not without a few tears and fists in the air along the way! oh and i almost forgot to add FORGIVENESS.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

journeywithdestiny: journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2

journeywithdestiny: journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2: "journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2 : 'swilerring voices around me, mocking laughter in the distance , the smell of musty dirt fills my no..."

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

journeywithdestiny: journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2

journeywithdestiny: journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2: "journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2 : 'swilerring voices around me, mocking laughter in the distance , the smell of musty dirt fills my no..."

journeywithdestiny: journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2

journeywithdestiny: journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2: "journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2 : 'swilerring voices around me, mocking laughter in the distance , the smell of musty dirt fills my no..."

journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2

journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat 2: "swilerring voices around me, mocking laughter in the distance , the smell of musty dirt fills my nostrils, am i dead? no i cant be, death sh..."

agony of defeat 2

swilerring voices around me, mocking laughter in the distance , the smell of musty dirt fills my nostrils, am i dead? no i cant be, death shouldnt hurt this much. am i in a dream? this must be a nightmare, im very much alive even though i feel dead inside, comatose. i lift my head out of the dirt, eyes are swollen,  i can hardly see, the tears are gone, vision is clouded by the mud that has caked to my face and fills my eyes. thirsty.
the laughter is louder now, its coming closer. its coming for me! Panic. terror floods through me! i need to leave.i try to stand, ny crumpled body is of no use, hElp me! screaming. shouting.. screaming into my own silence my throat is blistering, warm liquid fills my mouth, quench this thirst, disgust, blood on my tongue. im bleeding, sign of life. I AM STILL ALIVE! i can not be left here in the agony of defeat. rise up and walk, just rise up. the chains pull me back down, no!! rise up and walk!my body is so weak. keep fighting!lunging forward, the chains cut deep into my swollen flesh! mockery is louder, even though its a whisper. cold breath rolls across my shoulder, i can taste the bitter vile as it envelops all around me. its overpowering, i can not overcome, he has won again! falling to the ground to my defeat i realize there is a will inside that wants to survive! FALLING falling into blackness, why havent i hit the ground? falling fASTER  im desperate to live, theses chains are all that hold me, i reach, grabbing the hot metal that scorches my hand, sears my flesh,  i must climb up, its the only way. gentle whisper, let me help you, NO!!! YOU watched me fall and suffer and LET it happen, ill do this without you!!!! where was your protection? now you want to rescue? how dare you!! the pain, next hand grabs the chains, hands are bloody. ripped ragged, raw, flesh is burnt away. keep climbing. the pain is unbearable, putrid smell. i need help, but not from you. ANYONE!!! ridicule from the pit, youll never make it. there is still fight inside of me! climbing up the chains, hand over hand, pain is excruicating, i must go on! finally to the top i roll into  the filth despeate to be free. theres that whisper again, let me help you, i love you. NO!!! not you, you abandoned me!!! anyone but you! nothing left to my arms, the chains ate them away, burned aaway  the flesh, i slip them off over my bony tips and im FREE! run! RUN!!! run! i start to run, faster now, where is the light?desperate to live!! where do i go? i see a crack ahead!! get to it! i reach the light as i reach out to breathe somerthing grabs my ankels! CHAINS!! NO!! dont take me back!! clawing at the walls i cant get ahold as whats left  of my hands shATTERS! mockery, laughter, cruelty, hot chains of agony wrap around my ankels dragging me back into the darkness , searing burnt flesh fills my nostrills. dispair, i was so close, how has this become my life that is the death of me?

Monday, August 1, 2011

journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat

journeywithdestiny: agony of defeat: "Clouds roll in overhead, swilerring faster and faster, the fog is thick, i try to breathe but its choking me. GUILT. it consumes me to my ve..."