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Thursday, July 6, 2017

Standing before the volcano

The air is thick, a blend of humidity and tension.
So many seasons of my life have been a storm, I have seen it as a tornado of both destruction and grace.
I've felt it as if I'm drowning in the ocean as each wave crashes over and tries to choke the life gasping from my lungs. Then the hand of God reaches in and pulls me up.
I've survived storm after storm.
Not on my own, even though I felt alone.
It's always in the retrospect of looking back.
But here I am , in a storm.
Desperatley trying to see the retrospect ahead of time.
Impossible I know.
The air is thick.
Tension. Sadness.
The air has been sucked from my lungs.
Desperation. Tears.
This storm is new. I didn't create it, I didn't see it.
The unsettilng began many years ago. Deep rumblings began to shake the foundation ever so slowly.
It's too late to take cover. There's no place to go. I can't make it stop.
I had finally made my journey to the mountain top. It took a long time, many times I slid down and got back up to start over. Other times the fall down was so painful it took everything in me to crawl through the mud and dispair.
I rememebr clawing my way in a frenzy to get back on the path to the top. Abloody mix of snot and tears, hair sticking to my neck, salty sweat dripping into my eyes burning as I wiped them away.
Collapsing. Unable to breathe.
Resusation. Oxygen filled my lungs.
The grit in my teeth, was the same as my Saviors as He breathed His last.
Without Him, I would of still been there eternally dyeing.
When I reached the top, Gods favor rested upon me, I was filled with joy like never before. The glory of His presence was more than I could imagine. I knew life wasn't meant to stay there I just didn't think it would end so fast, I didn't expect the rumbling below, I didn't expect to fall this far into a cloud of overwhelming sadness.
I'm standing here. I'm not alone. He is with me, with us. With my husband. With my family. Just as He was with Moses when the Red Sea was parted  He is with us now. Just as He gave strenght to Sampson He will give strength to me. Just as He gave wisdom to Solomon He will give wisdom to me.
The rumbling grows louder.
It deafens my ears.
I'm standing here in front of this volcano.
This is my storm.
The rumbling grows louder yet.
It deafens my heart.
My heart races in anticipation of what is to come.
The volcano seems to be growing with each rumble of rage below.
The eruption happens so fast.
Violently spewing into the air.
Anger. Confussion. Betrayel.
As the lava flows I have no place to go.
The scorching heat burns not only my flesh but every fiber within my being.
Breathless. I cry out to Him.
No words come from this voidless shell.
He knows the unspoken.
Empty I trust Him to restore.
He did before. He will again.
I stand here in front of this growing volcano.
The ash is thick.
I can't see clearly.
The ash is thick.
Distorting my eyes.
I stand in this storm.
No words.
No sight.
No sound.
I close my eyes and trust while I wait for the rumbling rage to stop, the lava to cool and the ash to clear.
I have faced the tornado, braved many storms and I will face this volcano.
The Creator of all this universe, The One who calms the storms and walks on water,
He will smother this volcano and clear away the ash.
Then this overwhelming cloud of sadness will be but a distant memory