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Monday, September 15, 2014


Sometimes I find myself searching for things that don't exist. At least not to the human eye.
I find myself praying for things that are impossible for the human mind to concieve.
I believe in things that most would see as non sense,
But I keep on this journey and I press on even further, deeper into the unknown.
Do I ever doubt?
Yes, sometimes for a brief moment, then I remember the promises of God.
He will never leave me, He hears me, He listens to me, His plans for me are good, not to harm me, and He loves me, really loves me, so much that He chose to have His Son die for me.
So why should I doubt?
Why should I fear?
Why would I give up?
I'm not praying for fame and to have a great fortune, I'm praying to see miracles of healing. Not so I will believe, I already do. I am praying for specific miracles that would show my family that God still hears, still heals and has compassion upon us. I'm praying these miracles to leave a legacy of faith and prayer in this world and to my girls.
I want them to see first hand that you pray until.
Until what?
Until God answers, until He fulfills His promise.
Then after He answers you don't just stop praying and during the asking you are praising and thanking.
I find it beyond exciting to pray and see.
As I pray for what the world sees as absurb, I see past that into just how mighty God is.
My relationship grows stronger with God during this time, and I find it's the only place I want to be.
Praying for something this big is definitely a faith tester at times.
Will He do it?
Does He want to?
Is it His plan?
What if He dosen't?
Were my prayers heard? Were they wasted?
Since He hasn't yet, do I really believe He could do it? Would do it?
Beyond testing of my faith it strengthens my faith even more.
It is on this leg of the journey, on the dry, rocky path that conversation happens, trust is built. This long part of the journey is where perseverance meets determination, confronted with exhaustion and decisions are made.
Will I continue on or take the fork in the road and move on?

I will stay on this path until....

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

You have A VOICE

I have a voice.
What is it that quiets my voice?
That steals my heart, shatters my soul?
I grasp onto it, but the shards flow through my hands like sand in an hour glass.
Slow at first, then faster and faster, until  the sands are gone, empty, my voice is silence.

Each one of us has a voice, what we do with it is differetn from person to person. Your voice can be loud and powerful , sweet and gentle like a breeze, your voice can sing sweetly like a lullaby. You voice has words, we can use them to empower, encourage and embrace, or we can use them to tear down, belittle, and curse, we can use our words to wound or we can use them to heal. If I am honest with myself I admit I have used my voice and my words for all of those.

Over the years my voice has changed in many ways, from the volume, tone, depth.
It satrted out a loud cry the day I was born as I burst into this world. I can only imagine how my Moms heart lept with joy at the sound of my first cry, I was alive and my voice rang through the air.

 Then as I grew so did my voice. Cute and giggly, laughing carefree. My voice was used to express my wild imagination , a place where all my creative words flew fee, my voice was filled with awe and wonder as I experienced new things. My voice loeved to sing and say rhymes my voice had words, words to say I love you, and words to pray and ask God silly questions.

Then one day it was stolen. Not all at once, the theif came to rob, kill and destroy. I look back and it was like watching the sands in an hour glass, slipping faster and faster . The first grains where the giggels and the laughter, then the words, and eventually the only voice I had left was the voice inside me, desperatley I tried to hang on, but I saw them one by one slip throught the hour glass.
The voice within me had been silenced.
Silence was my new voice.
Many years of abuse will rob your voice, kill your dreams and destroy you. Abuse sexually, physically, verbally, mentally takes everything from you until eventually there is nothing left but a shell.
Then the hour glass was flipped back over and the grains started to flow, at first a little whimper.
Was it a person? An event? Was it unspeakable?
For me, I created a prision, not of literal bars but the bars across my heart, I stayed locked in that prison without a voice for a long time, then one day I realized I had the key. I kept that key in my pocket so long it started to make a hole.
Seems crazy not to use it. But fear kept me in that locked prison. My voice had been gone for so long, I was scared, what would it feel like? Would I recogonize it? I tried to use it a few times, but no one heard it. It was raw and so painful. Bitter on my tongue, the shame I felt left bile in my mouth.
Why would I want my voice back?
Who would understand?
Would anyone want to hear me? Could they look past the hour glass?

Then The Lord spoke to me and told me to use my voice . I said no and put the key further into my pocket, wanting to throw the key as far as I could, years and years went by until the courage rose up in me, then like the day I was born , a loud cry burst forth re claiming my voice.
My voice is loud, caring, bold, gentle. My voice is back. God saved me and gave me my voice. Now I will use my voice to to speak of hope and redemption, to testify to the truth and grace of His kindness .
Take your voice back!
You are not here by accident.
Think of everything that had to happen for you to be born, if just one person in your ancestor line  would of not had a child or died, so many events had to line up, just for the day you were created! God created you, yes YOU! For a specific purpose that no one else could fullfill. His plan is to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future, and when you seek him with your whole heart there you will find Him, call to Him, He will answer! ( my own words from Jeremiah 29)

You have a voice! Use it! You are far more beautiful  than you know, worthy of so much more than this silent weight you bear! The time is now! Grab your key, without hesitation and run free, unlock the silent prison you have dwelt in, turn the hour glass back over, and reclaim the truth of who you are!

Listen to this song by Casting Crowns, The Voice Of Truth, close your eyes and take a moment to breathe in the truth of who you are.

Praying for you,