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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Right now...

Right now...

I've been on this journey my entire life, completely unaware of it for most of it. Over the last 15 years or so I have become very aware of this journey and that I'm not supposed to just be passing through life. I started to live with intention. Living for Christ. I've been on this pursuit of freedom for years. Some days it's a slow crawl, others its a sprint. It's a journey up the mountain side, running, walking, falling, crying, on the verge of giving up, thirsty, yelling, questioning, being renewed, finding power, getting back up, time and time again.
Right now...
Right now I see a light switch, when it's flipped everything will change in an instant. I'm not stumbling around in blind darkness anymore, so flipping this switch will only make it brighter. An illumination, To see things more clearly, questions answered, questions I didn't even know I had. I feel the long pause of the quick stroke of the switch that has happened yet.
When God showed me the Red House in that vision 14 years ago, a switch was flipped, nothing could be the same. My life as I knew it leading up to that vision. My life now after seeing the Red House in person and my life in the future with the Red House. ( for information on this please see website and watch video at the bottom).
Freedom. My passionate obsession. not just freedom for me, but for all.To see people set free from the chains of their past. I find such an adrenaline rush of God's Spirit when He enters in and rescues the hurting heart.
Right now...
I sit here and see the switch has flipped and I am on this old wooden roller coaster. 
Clickity...Clackity... click... click...ratlle...
Along the old wooden frame. This slow steady journey to climb to the top.
Anticipation builds.Laughter,Fear.Excitiement. Then silence. The car rocks slowly, teetering at the top.
Right now...
I;m in this car at the top after the long slow climb of this last year. And I wait. And I wait. Untill the switch is flipped. And my life will be forever changed in this dramatic moment. With twists and turns I never saw coming. 
But I know these tracks were layed by God before the foundations of time, and in that I'm secure.

Oh Jesus here I am! Right now with eager anticipation I completely trust you on this ride, and I know when the switch is flipped and we go racing down, you are here in the seat with me on every twist and turn, and on the slow crawl back up to the top to teeter on the next edge. And I'll wait in eager anticipation and trust you on this journey with each flip of the switch as it gets brighter and brighter.
I love you Jesus. 

for more information on the Red House and fearless ministries please connect on our website

Monday, July 6, 2015


I feel the wind on my skin as it blows  through the trees and the rain starts to come, it blows onto my face, cool and refreshing.
I watch the rain pelt up on the concrete and it runs off. I see the grass absorbing as much water as it can until it's completely saturated and starts to pool.
I desperately want to be the grass not the concrete.
I want God's truth to saturate every part of me, I want to soak up every drop of His love. I want to be so filled by The Spirit that His goodness is pooled all around me.
I don't want to be like the concrete, where He pours out his blessings, His compassion, His love and I just let it run off.
Why do I ever let this happen? Why do I sometimes connect so much more with the concrete? Is my heart hardened because of the circumstances of my life? Have I become numb to His goodness? Or do I just expect Him to keep giving to me without anything in return? Whatever the reason, I do not want to be the concrete or the run off that drains into the sewer.
I want to be the grass. I want to absorb all of Him.
I want to know Him so intimately that I can sense the rain coming before the wind even starts to blow.
I want to be so connected with Him that I form pool after pool onto the grass. Not because of what I am doing but because of what He is doing in my life, with me, through me.
I want these pools of water in the grass to be inviting to all those that walk by. So inviting that they don't just walk by, but that they would stop and come.
That they would splash and with each drop they would start to be filled with Him.
That they would laugh and with each drop and be free in Him, through Him.
That they would be full of joy, find forgiveness, and look into the eyes of Love.
That we would be like sponges. Continually soaking all that He is.
That our sponges would never be dry. Soaking up all the rain on the concrete and ringing it out continually on all those that are there until their concrete breaks apart and the soil is exposed to the earth. Keep ringing the sponge until the first blade of grass comes forth and eventually they form pools of their own with Him.
Can you imagine this!
Being so close so connected with God that you are always overflowing in His love! Never are you parched! Never are you so empty you become dry!
Little drops of rain, one by one .
Ring out.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Communion- an exchange

A while back I was asked to help with the communion service at Church. I was excited to see what The Lord would speak to me as I gathered my thoughts and chose the music and I just want to share my heart with you, what I see and what I feel.
  1. 1.
    the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level.

  2. The sharing or exchanging. This really spoke to me. This is a time to share with God and exchange with Him. What was I willing to exchange with Him?
  3. pride for humility?
  4. bitterness for kindness?
  5. hatered for love?
    Sadness for joy?
    Addiction for sobriety?
    Chains for freedom?

  6. What was this exchange?
  7. So often during communion I focus solely on the upper room , the laughter as all the disciples gathered for diner, talking about the day, and I see Jesus laughing, smiling, but His eyes are sad, knowing what lays ahead, why they are there, what He will say to them, and I wonder if they since it? Can they feel something is different? Can they see past His smile? 
  8. What do they talk about on the way to The Garden of Gethsemane?
  9. At what point do they realize this wasn't just diner?
  10. I see the bread, the cup of wine.
  11. So often I dip my bread in the wine and watch as it turns the bread purple, swelling up the bread, until eventually the weight of it breaks off and falls into the cup. I watch it change colors and I see Hid body changing , His skin bruised, swollen, just like this bread, I see the wine slowly covering this bread, and I see His blood slowly covering my sins, as the weight of the wine takes over and the bread breaks and falls into cup , I see the weight of this world, the weight of my sin, breaking His heart, and I see His Father, Our Father, in Heaven overcome with sorrow, as Jesus was in The Garden, I see Him in anguish, having to look away because the pain is too great. Too great because He chose this, too great because He chose to create us knowing He would have to create a Son,His Son, to suffer for us, too great because He loves Jesus, His precious Son so much, and I imagine this broke His heart. 
  12. How can you look upon this and be ok?
  13. I see God struggling, and because He is the Holy Trinity, I wonder if not only did He agonize seeing this, but did He physically feel it along side with Jesus?
  14. My body has been hurt, I have been wounded, and it heals, it leaves a scar as a reminder, but the physical pain has passed. But my heart, when my heart breaks, that is a completely different pain, one that lingers, one that is so much stronger, and the healing is so different.
  15. I see in my mind when Jesus dies here, God , His Father is standing there with His arms open, just like we do for our children when they have been hurt, and tears are flooding His eyes, and He just hugs Him. I see Jesus sobbing, holding on to His Father not wanting to let go, to stay there and just breathe in His arms.
  16. What am I ready to exchange? 
  1. Less of myself for more of Him?
  2. I 'm ready to exchange my dirty hands for hands that have been made clean. I'm ready to exchange my plans for His plans. 
  3. What are you ready to exchange?
  4. I'm ready to share with Him my heart so He may continue to breathe life into it.
  5. What are you ready to share with the very One who was broken so you could be made whole? 
  6. Here is my favorite song by David Crowder. Here's my Heart Lord,
  7. listen as you pray, as you see , because He is there, waiting to make this exchange with you.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Broken Pieces

My life for far too long felt like all these broken pieces.
What was I to do with all these broken pieces?
Throw them away?
I tried but every time I picked them up they cut so deep , I could feel the blood drip down from my very life.
Walk away?
I tried that also, but the fragments embedded into my feet and I couldn't go but a few steps.
Ignore them?
I tried that too but I kept finding them everywhere I turned.
Glue them together?
That worked for a time, before they eventually came unglued, shattering around me, time after time. Each time felt worse, each time was more painful.
All these SHATTERED pieces of my life, my heart, my body. They lay around me calling out to me,
I quickly start scooping them up to push them away, they splinter, they hurt, they open old wounds and embed fresh wounds.
Falling to my knees . Surrendering all of these broken pieces to The One , I look down to see the truth of what I have become in the reflection of these broken pieces, I raise my hands, my head and cry out "Here's my heart, here's every piece of me, broken, and wounded, unable to move, take these pieces Lord, take every one of them, put them together as You would"
I lift my empty hands and wait as You fill them, as You reach down.
Take me by my hand and let's put these broken pieces back together , You and I , in a way that is far more BEAUTIFUL than they ever could of been.
See the ART THERAPY RETREAT CENTER God has given me a vision for here!

Monday, September 15, 2014


Sometimes I find myself searching for things that don't exist. At least not to the human eye.
I find myself praying for things that are impossible for the human mind to concieve.
I believe in things that most would see as non sense,
But I keep on this journey and I press on even further, deeper into the unknown.
Do I ever doubt?
Yes, sometimes for a brief moment, then I remember the promises of God.
He will never leave me, He hears me, He listens to me, His plans for me are good, not to harm me, and He loves me, really loves me, so much that He chose to have His Son die for me.
So why should I doubt?
Why should I fear?
Why would I give up?
I'm not praying for fame and to have a great fortune, I'm praying to see miracles of healing. Not so I will believe, I already do. I am praying for specific miracles that would show my family that God still hears, still heals and has compassion upon us. I'm praying these miracles to leave a legacy of faith and prayer in this world and to my girls.
I want them to see first hand that you pray until.
Until what?
Until God answers, until He fulfills His promise.
Then after He answers you don't just stop praying and during the asking you are praising and thanking.
I find it beyond exciting to pray and see.
As I pray for what the world sees as absurb, I see past that into just how mighty God is.
My relationship grows stronger with God during this time, and I find it's the only place I want to be.
Praying for something this big is definitely a faith tester at times.
Will He do it?
Does He want to?
Is it His plan?
What if He dosen't?
Were my prayers heard? Were they wasted?
Since He hasn't yet, do I really believe He could do it? Would do it?
Beyond testing of my faith it strengthens my faith even more.
It is on this leg of the journey, on the dry, rocky path that conversation happens, trust is built. This long part of the journey is where perseverance meets determination, confronted with exhaustion and decisions are made.
Will I continue on or take the fork in the road and move on?

I will stay on this path until....