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Monday, June 27, 2011

Sunday, June 26, 2011

journeywithdestiny: the journey begins 2

journeywithdestiny: the journey begins 2: "the more i start to visualize my life as this journey on the mountain its pretty amazing at all the places ive been! ive been on the top alo..."

journeywithdestiny: race around the mountain

journeywithdestiny: race around the mountain: "sleepless night!!!!or shall i say morning? too much to do and to littel time! bet that sounds familliar huh? leaving for Milwaukee in afew ..."

journeywithdestiny: crying out from the wilderness

journeywithdestiny: crying out from the wilderness: "bags are packed. snacks are packed. hit the drive through for a coffee, and off we go! off we go,39 of us to change the world! leaving small..."

crying out from the wilderness

bags are packed. snacks are packed. hit the drive through for a coffee, and off we go! off we go,39 of us to change the world! leaving small town wisconsin to the inner citiie of Milwaukee. Admist the singing and laughing an talking with friends about summer plans and vacations and finances and car payments my mind is somewhere else. i can here a faint crying, its usually there in the back of my head somewhere, but its a littel more noticable now. our trip is simple. meet up at a church and they have already set us up with food pantries,soup kitchens, homeless shelters, womans shelters, and other events.
the plan is to bless theses people, show them some love and then come back home to my nice car, comfy bed, and a refrigarator full of food that ill have to toss the fruit i left over the weekend, but i know ill just go to the store in the morning.
but thats not what really happens. you know that if you have ever been on any kind of a mission trip or to a soup kitchen, what really happens is as you are serving and blessing, you become blessed and your heart breaks and your life is changed, for the better.
FRIDAY
we show up at St. Bens to serve, suprisingly 4 other teams do as well, they are over staffe for the HUNDREDS of HUNGRY people. so we are told to get in line and mingle and get a meal tickett and dine with the homeless. so we do. many faces many stories, some look sad, empty, shamefull, hopeless, others are smiling, happy joking, even joyful. and i think to myself, there is no difference here. i am that person ,
i know shame, i unerstand guilt, i am well acquainted with emptiness. i remember that time in the wilderness all to well. and i can hear them crying out and it saddens me,.
we get are food, i think its meat loaf i have a baked potatoe there is no butter, its dry. i want a cofee but there is no cream. something so simple. wow, no controll no say as to what i eat or drink, i should just be greatful i had a meal.
i meet a man who was shot in the face. his name is John. Johs face ha a hole in it, cheek was shattered. lived on the street 15 years, robbery, he had nothing to rob. john told me it was the best thing that ever happened. it renewed his faith, brought him back to god, and 5 years sobriety an a home and a wife.
SATURDAY
150 peanut butter sandwhiches made to hand out in the parks to people who have nothing.
repairs of the Breech. hygeine kits, food clothes, safety. testimonies of lives transformed. medical clinic, haircuts, back to the church to prepare a meal for a womans and family shelter, thry have no stoves so no meal unless one is brought.
the crying is louder now. not only o i hear it but i can see it, smell it almost taste it, its so clear, woman just barely hanging on, fleeing abusive men, trying to kick drugs and get sober, dragging their kids from shelters to the street , i sit to eat with them,a nd i realize, this could of been me, my kids, my mom, any of us.
everyone here is crying out, screaming at the top of their lungs and no one can hear them, most dont even see them, almost invisible.
i have screamed so loud i thought i would burst and not a sound came out, my soul has cringed from anguish and bled out in dispair, my heart shattered into a million pieces, leaving splinters everywhere it fell, dignity stolen, innocence ripped away, leaving nothing but broken emptiness heaped on the floor, and noone heard, no one could see, no one could see me for what i really was.
so i am famillar with that cry that comes from the wilderness
our team spread out all over the city and touched hundres of people. i know i cant change the world,but if i can just change it for one person , thats enough for now, one person at a time.
there is hope
there is life beyond the wilderness.
it can be hard if the forrest is thick an it is dark, but a littel light to light your path, one step at a time,and a hand to take yours to not lead you but pick you up when you stumble, that will guide you out of the wilderness to a path that leads to the top of this mountain.
HOME
ahhhhh home sweet home. stopped at he outlet malls, antique stores and the coffee shop. seems so pointless as i can still hear the crys from the wilderness. i really want to turn back around and stay for awhile, spread a blanket out under a tree an have a picnic in the wilderness with those women at the shelter, i want to listen and know them, i want to cry with them not for them, i want them to know they are not alone, that they are heard that i can hear them. i want to hold christys hand and wipe her tears away and tell her that there is another place, a place where she can get back up on her feet and stand, a palce she can raise her hands and feel the rush of wind all around her and just feel free, a place where the tears wash away the dirtiness, and the filth and cleanse not just your body but your mind, heal your heart redeem your soul , to know that she is WORTHY of so much more, we all are.
i am thankfull i no longer live in that place!! and i am thankfull and humbled that i stilll hear my old home, i never want to be so far away that i forget an d pretend it dosent exist, they re are alot of people there and alot of healing to take place, a life with more abundance than what the wilderness offers.
journey with me as i walk to and from the wilderness to pick up a backpack or two so i can walk with all the christys i meet along the way, what a glorious dayit will be to watch her first sunrise from the mountain top!!
who is the christy in your life?  you may be suprised. see you all at the top, travel safely!

Friday, June 24, 2011

race around the mountain

sleepless night!!!!or shall i say morning? too much to do and to littel time! bet that sounds familliar huh?
leaving for Milwaukee in afew hours, need to sleep need to pack. cant pack, havent decided what i will want to wear! going with about 40 people from church to a homeless shelter and work at a free medical clinic and do some other things too. i LOVE doing this! always feel so blessed and makes me appreciate each breath i take so much more. last trip was emotional tough i swear i needed counseling when we got back! ill never forget heather. i think of her and pray for her often, never met someone that had endured the beatings and abuse so severve she had to have surgery to repair her. never saw an ear that looked like a mangled peice of flesh before. we shared a similar story, a kindred soul i guess you could say. she looked dead and hopeless. i had the amazing opportunity to give her a haircut and help her feel beautiful even if it was just for a moment, i did see a flicker of hope. heather where ever you are i wish you well and hope we meet again!!
I feel like i am running laps around this mountain top!! i was laying in bed trying to sleep and my heart was pounding an icould feel this surge of energy running through my body!!! where was it when i was at the gym!!!
oh so much to do! one lap around the mountain!
Just got my Etsy store going for my new boutique called ALTERED EGO!! yeah!!!! i dont really want to use my blog to blab about my new boutique so if you want to check it out from time to time thats cool. i will have art this fall listed, but upcycled clothing is my new fun hobby.
whew lap 2!
My amazing friend Andrea told me her and Perry try to live life without regret. I thought we all kind of did that till i started really thinking about it. so im trying to be more aware of my choices. will i regret the things that are simple if i dont stop for them? kissing my daughters one more time for the 10th time as im heaed out the door? or how about 2 stories and a song before bed instead of just 1? what reaaly matters most to me? what do i want people to remeber me for when i die? big things i know, but its in my hea all the time!
weeeeeeee lap number 3!
i think Matt is going to propose to me soon! i love being in love! but its so close i can almost taste it!! im always wondering waiting expecting hoping!! it has to be soon, we have been looking for houses and WE FOUND THE ONE!!!! tonight well actually last night! uggghhh 2 houses to sell so we can but this one! its a dream house! i can even have a littel dog!!YEAH! Matt said she has to wear socks on the floors!! hahah
lap 4!!!!! im burning calories now!!!
my fantastic friend Renee is getting close to getting my book done!! EXCITING!! but also NERVEWRACKING!!!! what will people think? oh who cares! is what i want to say, but its dark, raw edgy.sad, heart breaking, hopeless, then it becomes tearful and joyful!!!! healing oh glorious healing!! full of art and poetry!! beauty and forgiveness!! its my life in a book, now for the world to see to hear to judge! will i be shamed and feel shameful?will my family turn away? what about my clients and my friends, did they really ever know the real me? do we ever really know the real us? im anxious, happy, fearful, intimadated, all at the same time!!!
wow thats a long sprint around the mountain for sure!
why do i get like this? i shoul not worry!!!! for i know the plans i have for you declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future!!!
im not a preacher, i just beleive, and i feel it. so off to bed i go!! not to worry about the suitcase or the house or the proposal or checking and sending emails or what people think of me,or my book ,or worrying about the load of clothes in the dryer! i have found a nice grassy knoll on the hillside and will enjoy the breeze as i drift off to sleep for the next 3 hours that i have. i feel a sense of calmness now, thank you.
thankk you for coming alongside of me on this journey, i cant wait to see where it leads each and everyone of us! for me it will be at the coffee shop at 630 am for a nonfat lattee!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

the journey begins 2

the more i start to visualize my life as this journey on the mountain its pretty amazing at all the places ive been! ive been on the top alot, and a few times i was lost wondering around in a forrest, (not so much fun, theres alot of bugs there!) ive fallen off a cliff a few times, that was painful, was lost in a canyon once or twice or a hundred times! at the time it was a litttel scary but in the end what an adventure! fell in quick sand a time or two (who knew there was quick sand in the valley), that was a struggel, i had ti fight hard to keep my head above to survive. Yep this mountain has alot of places and i havent discovered all of them yet im sure.
so today i feel like ive been on top of the mountain for awhile now, makes me a littel nervous because as ive learned this time is usually short lived (kind of like a vacation!) but not to worry, im going to embrace every breath, every moment, every bird that flies by, all the colors of the sky, i can see my self standing in the wind as it blows around me, my hair all around , hands in the air and ahhhhh.... just breathe.
I think i will be making a littel trip down the mountain side shortly, i wont be there long, just long enough to pick up a few people i know . they are there right now filling there treasure chest of memories with a few pebbles and a rock or two.maybe a boulder, but its easier to fit and carry when you chip it to pieces and its easier when there is another pick axe. then after they are all placed gently in the treasue chest we will stop bythe river to cleanse them, not with the river water but with many tears as it seems to cleanse the soul and refresh the weary mind and body. then we will journey together up the mountain and embrace the beauty of not only the sunrise as the new day approaches but but the beautiful bond of friendship and love.
even as i prepare for this trip i still feel like my feet are up on top of the mountain still, i have a renewed strenght in meand i feel at peace.

wow. life is interesting ! this isnt even what i was gonna talk about! see.. open book, i knew it, 2 days on a blog and already mushy!i wanted to tell a funny story. i have been sewing like crazy!! and creating these AWESOME jean skirts , upcyling clothing is my new thing for now, and i wanted to have  1000 to sell for Country Jam, well in a hurry for the 2nd time now i sewed the seems together! i stitched in some fun fabric on the hem and topped it off with lace, well after i ripped it all out i did it again!! uggh then i sewed a fabric patch on the back and had the hem underneath and yep sewed the hem to the butt! so if you havea friend without legs and only half a butt i have the perfect skirt for them!!!
goodnight!! and thank you for reading and going on this journey with me, hope to see you as i make a quick trip down on your way up!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

the journey begins 1

hello! this is my first time blogging ever! so we will start with the disclaimers!! as you can already see im not great with  puncuation and propper grammar,it drives my oldest daughter CRAZY!! i just write how i talk,(and yes i admit i still use 2 fingers to type!)
Ok, so whats my purpose for this blog? i guess i have a ton of different things going on in my life and i think someone other than matt ( my true love) would be good to talk too! primarly i wanted to use this as a creative outlet and for my 2 buisnessess, but my life is led like an open book. i dont do it on purpose, it just happens that way! Just come to my hair salon and a few visits we will be fantastic friends, guaranteed!
so i believe i have named this blog appropiately journey with destiny. life is a journey. i love the twisting winding paths and climbling those mountains to see the most amazing sunset or sunrise ever! but to climb that mountain we have to start in the valley. not always my favorite place to be. but once you have the strength to walk up the path that leads to the mountain , eventually you will see above the fog. thats when it gets exciting looking back on that climb and thats where all the stories of life are. precious treasures those stories are!
So if my grammar dosent give you the hives, journey along side of me. i cant wait to see where it leads!!