A while back I was asked to help with the communion service at Church. I was excited to see what The Lord would speak to me as I gathered my thoughts and chose the music and I just want to share my heart with you, what I see and what I feel.
the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level.
The sharing or exchanging. This really spoke to me. This is a time to share with God and exchange with Him. What was I willing to exchange with Him?
pride for humility?
bitterness for kindness?
hatered for love?
Sadness for joy?
Chains for freedom?
What was this exchange?
So often during communion I focus solely on the upper room , the laughter as all the disciples gathered for diner, talking about the day, and I see Jesus laughing, smiling, but His eyes are sad, knowing what lays ahead, why they are there, what He will say to them, and I wonder if they since it? Can they feel something is different? Can they see past His smile?
What do they talk about on the way to The Garden of Gethsemane?
At what point do they realize this wasn't just diner?
I see the bread, the cup of wine.
So often I dip my bread in the wine and watch as it turns the bread purple, swelling up the bread, until eventually the weight of it breaks off and falls into the cup. I watch it change colors and I see Hid body changing , His skin bruised, swollen, just like this bread, I see the wine slowly covering this bread, and I see His blood slowly covering my sins, as the weight of the wine takes over and the bread breaks and falls into cup , I see the weight of this world, the weight of my sin, breaking His heart, and I see His Father, Our Father, in Heaven overcome with sorrow, as Jesus was in The Garden, I see Him in anguish, having to look away because the pain is too great. Too great because He chose this, too great because He chose to create us knowing He would have to create a Son,His Son, to suffer for us, too great because He loves Jesus, His precious Son so much, and I imagine this broke His heart.
How can you look upon this and be ok?
I see God struggling, and because He is the Holy Trinity, I wonder if not only did He agonize seeing this, but did He physically feel it along side with Jesus?
My body has been hurt, I have been wounded, and it heals, it leaves a scar as a reminder, but the physical pain has passed. But my heart, when my heart breaks, that is a completely different pain, one that lingers, one that is so much stronger, and the healing is so different.
I see in my mind when Jesus dies here, God , His Father is standing there with His arms open, just like we do for our children when they have been hurt, and tears are flooding His eyes, and He just hugs Him. I see Jesus sobbing, holding on to His Father not wanting to let go, to stay there and just breathe in His arms.
What am I ready to exchange?
Less of myself for more of Him?
I 'm ready to exchange my dirty hands for hands that have been made clean. I'm ready to exchange my plans for His plans.
What are you ready to exchange?
I'm ready to share with Him my heart so He may continue to breathe life into it.
What are you ready to share with the very One who was broken so you could be made whole?
Here is my favorite song by David Crowder. Here's my Heart Lord,
listen as you pray, as you see , because He is there, waiting to make this exchange with you.
My life for far too long felt like all these broken pieces.
What was I to do with all these broken pieces?
Throw them away?
I tried but every time I picked them up they cut so deep , I could feel the blood drip down from my very life.
I tried that also, but the fragments embedded into my feet and I couldn't go but a few steps.
I tried that too but I kept finding them everywhere I turned.
Glue them together?
That worked for a time, before they eventually came unglued, shattering around me, time after time. Each time felt worse, each time was more painful.
All these SHATTERED pieces of my life, my heart, my body. They lay around me calling out to me,
I quickly start scooping them up to push them away, they splinter, they hurt, they open old wounds and embed fresh wounds.
Falling to my knees . Surrendering all of these broken pieces to The One , I look down to see the truth of what I have become in the reflection of these broken pieces, I raise my hands, my head and cry out "Here's my heart, here's every piece of me, broken, and wounded, unable to move, take these pieces Lord, take every one of them, put them together as You would"
I lift my empty hands and wait as You fill them, as You reach down.
Take me by my hand and let's put these broken pieces back together , You and I , in a way that is far more BEAUTIFUL than they ever could of been.
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