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Monday, October 7, 2013


 Driving down the road I hear this song called ‘Revive Me” , and the  tears just poured down my cheeks, I held them back as long as I could, but the lump in my throat was growing and I couldn’t hold it back. The flood gates of my heart were ripped away by the force of raw emotion. I hadn’t had a moment like that in a long time.
Revive , is a simple word , only 6 letters, but it’s implications are overwhelming. This word is powerful! The definition is To bring back to life or consciousness; resuscitate. To return to validity, effectiveness, or operative condition. To impart new health, vigor, or spirit toII
I saw my old life many years ago, all the struggles I had endured and overcome. Like a movie, I could see it all, the abuse, the rape, the beatings, the rejection. I could feel it all, the agony, the despair the hopelessness , then the words, REVIVE, IM ALIVE, IM ALIVE ,BREATHE ON ME ,YOU REVIVE ME
Those words washed over me in a way I can not explain. In my mind I saw my self as dirty, just this dirty person, then dried up to clay, the clay just crumbled to dust and I was gone, then The Lord stooped down, on His knees took His hands and  pushed the dust together, as I imagine the way He created Adam. He then breathed life back into me.
I was a shell of a person, merely existing, All those years of having mud slung on me, believing for so long I did not have a life worthy to live,nothing but ashes, and The Lord , He came and breathed life back into me.
Isaiah 61
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
I have been REVIVED, I have the breath of God in my lungs, This verse speaks to me in so many ways, The Lord has anointed me, He has given me new life so I may go and walk along side the broken and proclaim all that He has done, so they may find healing and wear this crown of beauty instead of ashes, that we may all be full of joy and no longer despair.                  

Sunday, April 21, 2013


I am …
 Thief. adulterer .liar. murderer. accuser .blasphemous. unbeliever. less than. Cheater. Idoalater. Insignificant. Dirty. unloveable .guilty.darkness. dead.

I am a thief.
Luke 23:32-43, (NAS95) 32 Two others also, who were criminals, were being led away to be put to death with Him. 33 When they came to the place called The Skull, there they crucified Him and the criminals, one on the right and the other on the left. 34 But Jesus was saying, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing." And they cast lots, dividing up His garments among themselves. 35 And the people stood by, looking on. And even the rulers were sneering at Him, saying, "He saved others; let Him save Himself if this is the Christ of God, His Chosen One." 36 The soldiers also mocked Him, coming up to Him, offering Him sour wine, 37 and saying, "If You are the King of the Jews, save Yourself!" 38 Now there was also an inscription above Him, "THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS." 39 One of the criminals who were hanged there was hurling abuse at Him, saying, "Are You not the Christ? Save Yourself and us!" 40 But the other answered, and rebuking him said, "Do you not even fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? 41 "And we indeed are suffering justly, for we are receiving what we deserve for our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong." 42 And he was saying, "Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!" 43 And He said to him, "Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise."


noun, plural thieves.
a person who steals, especially secretly or without open force; one guilty of theft or larceny.
 I don’t know what the thief stole to be executed. To me a death sentence for stealing seems pretty harsh. I wonder if he was caught stealing multiple times or if he killed someone in the process? We will never know on this side of Heaven what he did to receive his sentence.
The first thing I ever stole was a peanut, I was 4 years old. I remember I was with my Grandpa, we were at the store and walked by a large barrel of peanuts, I reached in and put it in my mouth sucking on the salted shell, when we got out to his truck I proudly said “look Grandpa I stole this peanut”. He was not so happy, he pulled me by my ear back inside to the clerk, made me say what I did and demanded they call the police on me for stealing. I was so afraid they were going to take me to jail. The clerk said it wasn’t a big deal because it was only a peanut, but my Grandpa slammed his hand down on the counter and said “it is a big deal, stealing is never right”.
I apologized and promised to never steal again. We drove home in silence that day, I can still remember the shame I felt on that ride home.
While my crime days are long behind me when I think about it I realize they are not that far behind.
I am a thief. I steal every single day.
I have stolen a pen at the check out, a few grapes while grocery shopping, just little things that I never thought were a big deal, but like that peanut ,stealing is never right how big or small.
Well that’s not so bad you say. What if I told you there was more to the story, will you judge me? Condem me? Mock me? Will you see yourself in me?
I am a thief.
I have stolen , robbed, lied.
I have stolen time from my family to pursue my own selfish desires, I have lost out on many family memories, family dinners, family events because of my own selfishness.
I am so selfish that instead of giving money to the Church to further the advancement of the Kingdom of Christ, I went shopping and spent my money on superficial material things. Do I need 300 pairs of shoes or matching gym shoes for every workout outfit?  Probably not. Yes I admit I have stolen from the house of my Lord.
In the process I have robbed myself of the joy that comes from giving to my family. I have robbed myself of the joy that comes from giving to God.
So I lie to myself to make myself feel better. I lie to God, creating excuses then asking Him to bail me out of my mess.
I am a thief.
I have stolen intimacy from my marriage by not letting go of an argument because my pride is to great. Once again robbing not only myself but my husband of the joy we share laughing, smiling, talking , embracing.
I have stolen secretly in the quiet places of my heart that no one sees, but God. He sees, He knows, and yet despite it all He loves me.
I am a thief but God is the acquitter. He has seen what I have stolen and whom I have robbed and lied to. And like the thief on the cross I have repented and He has spoken to me. Forgiving me, promising me that I will be in paradise with him.
Dear Lord, thank you for seeing me for who I am and still loving me. Help me to be the woman you created me to be, help me to steal no more, help me to stay on the path that you are leading me on, take my hand and lead me, I can not do this alone, I need you to walk with me. Thank you, I love you.


John 10:10

New International Version (NIV)
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full

Here is the link to THIEF by Third Day

Monday, April 15, 2013

journeywithdestiny: The battle starts in your mind

journeywithdestiny: The battle starts in your mind: The battle begins in the mind. I will NOT be a prisoner. These are the words I posted to Facebook while at the gym . I was listening the...

The battle starts in your mind

The battle begins in the mind. I will NOT be a prisoner.
These are the words I posted to Facebook while at the gym . I was listening the  band Seventh Day Slumber, a song called Wasted Life, the lyrics The battle starts in your mind
Then straight to the soul
It can leave  you breathless
I was thinking more about my stuggel with weightloss and fitness, then Perry texted me and asked me to share a part of my story from the Bible veres of Matthew 9 9-13, he said they were about freedom and inviting others. 
The song ends with the lyrics 

A wasted life was the road that I was on
I was running blind into the unknown
Just in the nick of time you found me at my worst
And brought me home

When there was no way out
You found me in the darkest place
Just as I start to fade
I hear your voice, it's calling me
Saying, "You are not alone.
I'm here to break these chains and take you home."

I listen to this band and i feel like most of the songs were written for me, about me. I have felt breathless from the battle in my mind, I lived a very long time just existing not living, I looked alive . i had perfected being fake, its all in apperance, but you can only do that for so long before the masqurade is done, and the mask you wear starts to crack
At that point i was liviing in a coma, i was alive, but just barely, i didnt want to live but i didnt want to die. i was comatose  My mind was a battelground of lies, and dispair. I wanted to be free from it . But 
i didnt know how, I had given my life to God several years before this, and I would go through periods of time where my mind kept me in a prison.. 
God spoke to my heart to paint and to write.  Paint what i could not say, what i could not feel. This put me on a journey that has led me to where i am today,
I am at the table with the tax collectors and the sinners, but I'm not eating alone, Jesus is there at the head of the table. He is not there to ridicule me or to remind me of the mistakes i have made or to make me feel bad for the things in my life  that ive done or have been done to me. Hes there at my table to give me the bread of life , He is my water  that will quench my thirst and cleanse my soul. I dont have to listen to the lies of the enemy anymore, I have been set free.
I want everyone to feel this freedom, I so desire that everyone would come to this table of sinners and see Jesus as He really is, For His love and for 
his peace, and for His friendship.

This is the video link to the song Wasted Life