Sunday, June 26, 2011

crying out from the wilderness

bags are packed. snacks are packed. hit the drive through for a coffee, and off we go! off we go,39 of us to change the world! leaving small town wisconsin to the inner citiie of Milwaukee. Admist the singing and laughing an talking with friends about summer plans and vacations and finances and car payments my mind is somewhere else. i can here a faint crying, its usually there in the back of my head somewhere, but its a littel more noticable now. our trip is simple. meet up at a church and they have already set us up with food pantries,soup kitchens, homeless shelters, womans shelters, and other events.
the plan is to bless theses people, show them some love and then come back home to my nice car, comfy bed, and a refrigarator full of food that ill have to toss the fruit i left over the weekend, but i know ill just go to the store in the morning.
but thats not what really happens. you know that if you have ever been on any kind of a mission trip or to a soup kitchen, what really happens is as you are serving and blessing, you become blessed and your heart breaks and your life is changed, for the better.
FRIDAY
we show up at St. Bens to serve, suprisingly 4 other teams do as well, they are over staffe for the HUNDREDS of HUNGRY people. so we are told to get in line and mingle and get a meal tickett and dine with the homeless. so we do. many faces many stories, some look sad, empty, shamefull, hopeless, others are smiling, happy joking, even joyful. and i think to myself, there is no difference here. i am that person ,
i know shame, i unerstand guilt, i am well acquainted with emptiness. i remember that time in the wilderness all to well. and i can hear them crying out and it saddens me,.
we get are food, i think its meat loaf i have a baked potatoe there is no butter, its dry. i want a cofee but there is no cream. something so simple. wow, no controll no say as to what i eat or drink, i should just be greatful i had a meal.
i meet a man who was shot in the face. his name is John. Johs face ha a hole in it, cheek was shattered. lived on the street 15 years, robbery, he had nothing to rob. john told me it was the best thing that ever happened. it renewed his faith, brought him back to god, and 5 years sobriety an a home and a wife.
SATURDAY
150 peanut butter sandwhiches made to hand out in the parks to people who have nothing.
repairs of the Breech. hygeine kits, food clothes, safety. testimonies of lives transformed. medical clinic, haircuts, back to the church to prepare a meal for a womans and family shelter, thry have no stoves so no meal unless one is brought.
the crying is louder now. not only o i hear it but i can see it, smell it almost taste it, its so clear, woman just barely hanging on, fleeing abusive men, trying to kick drugs and get sober, dragging their kids from shelters to the street , i sit to eat with them,a nd i realize, this could of been me, my kids, my mom, any of us.
everyone here is crying out, screaming at the top of their lungs and no one can hear them, most dont even see them, almost invisible.
i have screamed so loud i thought i would burst and not a sound came out, my soul has cringed from anguish and bled out in dispair, my heart shattered into a million pieces, leaving splinters everywhere it fell, dignity stolen, innocence ripped away, leaving nothing but broken emptiness heaped on the floor, and noone heard, no one could see, no one could see me for what i really was.
so i am famillar with that cry that comes from the wilderness
our team spread out all over the city and touched hundres of people. i know i cant change the world,but if i can just change it for one person , thats enough for now, one person at a time.
there is hope
there is life beyond the wilderness.
it can be hard if the forrest is thick an it is dark, but a littel light to light your path, one step at a time,and a hand to take yours to not lead you but pick you up when you stumble, that will guide you out of the wilderness to a path that leads to the top of this mountain.
HOME
ahhhhh home sweet home. stopped at he outlet malls, antique stores and the coffee shop. seems so pointless as i can still hear the crys from the wilderness. i really want to turn back around and stay for awhile, spread a blanket out under a tree an have a picnic in the wilderness with those women at the shelter, i want to listen and know them, i want to cry with them not for them, i want them to know they are not alone, that they are heard that i can hear them. i want to hold christys hand and wipe her tears away and tell her that there is another place, a place where she can get back up on her feet and stand, a palce she can raise her hands and feel the rush of wind all around her and just feel free, a place where the tears wash away the dirtiness, and the filth and cleanse not just your body but your mind, heal your heart redeem your soul , to know that she is WORTHY of so much more, we all are.
i am thankfull i no longer live in that place!! and i am thankfull and humbled that i stilll hear my old home, i never want to be so far away that i forget an d pretend it dosent exist, they re are alot of people there and alot of healing to take place, a life with more abundance than what the wilderness offers.
journey with me as i walk to and from the wilderness to pick up a backpack or two so i can walk with all the christys i meet along the way, what a glorious dayit will be to watch her first sunrise from the mountain top!!
who is the christy in your life?  you may be suprised. see you all at the top, travel safely!

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